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OBITUARY NOTICE Charleston County Council Integrity
Lee Walton

Council's Integrity entered into eternal rest on the evening of July 18, 2006, in Charleston County Council Chambers after a valiant, albeit fatal, battle against broken promises and a complete collapse of personal courage. Integrity's untimely demise resulted from a truculent assault by Council Chairman Leon Stabyourbackus and his accomplice, The Machine's Colleen Condon, as they intimidated and cajoled the other seven Council members to approve an additional annual payment of $1.1 million to CARTA for the next six years.

Forensic investigations have disclosed that the death of Council's Integrity was caused by Deception, a weapon originally purchased by Howard, The Bagman, Chapman, but currently registered to the CARTA Board. Previous ownership of Deception has been traced to Mayor J. Pericles Riley and the editors of the Palter and Chatter.

Bystanders and other accomplices in the tragic death of Council's Integrity were the remaining seven members of County Council including Timid Scott who finally flip-flopped and sold out under relentless pressure and intimidation from Stabyourbackus, The Machine's Colleen and Pericles. Likewise, Council Member Caustic Bostic's logic for supporting the additional funding for CARTA was wrapped in his usual vague political hyperbole.

The motive attributed to the death of Council's Integrity was the misuse of the 1/2% Sales Tax Revenue by County Council who had promised the voters of Charleston County that only 18% of this annual tax revenue would be allocated to CARTA. Previously in 2003, Integrity had been instrumental in bringing legal action against the County to have the results of their 2002 Sales Tax Referendum overturned by the State Supreme Court on the grounds that the wording of that ballot was nothing short of voter fraud; persistent rumors among the County staff still attribute the mysterious and polemic language of the 2002 referendum to none other than Pericles and Stabyourbackus.

In addition to the named accomplices, the Palter and Chatter is now being investigated for mysteriously covering up the death of Council's Integrity and not reporting it until two days after the fact. The Palter and Chatter is also accused of being an accomplice before the fact, having had knowledge of the premeditated plot by Stabyourbackus and The Machine's Colleen at the Finance Committee Meeting several days before the death of Council's Integrity. As an all too willing accomplice, the Palter & Chatter chose to remain quiet and not inform its readers. It is also reported that J. Pericles Riley tried unsuccessfully to kill the spreading story of Integrity's pending demise by intimidating other local news media. However, one of the more courageous television stations, WCIV, did report the pending plot the night before the death of Council's Integrity.

Surviving relatives are County Council's Character, Credibility and Ethics. Tragically, all are reported to be in critical condition; none are expected to survive through Election Day in November 2006.

An effusive memorial service was held at the CARTA Board monthly meeting Friday, July 21, 2006. The Charleston Chamber of Commerce Choir sang at the service accompanied by City Council Member Harpie Wilson as Pericles clapped time to the melodies, which included Pennies From Heaven. The CARTA Board Chairman could not restrain his emotions and was heard repeatedly to scream, "Show me the Money"! "Show me the Money"! "Show me the Money"!

Brief eulogies were anxiously presented by two of Pericles' closest cronies on County Council. First to the podium was The Machine's Colleen Condon who blurted an imbroglio of facts surrounding the death of Council's Integrity saying that taking funds earmarked for roadway improvements and giving them to CARTA for additional money to use to pay off mismanaged debt, "…will allow us (Council) to provide accountability to the voters." This political double-speak even had some of her fellow cronies gazing in puzzled wonderment at her talent to twist facts into meaningless drivel. At that moment, the CARTA Board broke out into a spontaneous, gyrating rendition of Twist and Shout.

Second to speak was Leon Stabyourbackus, who said that Council's Integrity "…was causing unnecessary debate in the community… and in order for CARTA to drive forward, we need to get through the debt and pay it off" (at the taxpayers' expense). From all the Amen's that followed, it was evident that Stabyourbackus was now also plotting the demise of Council's Credibility by condoning CARTA's continued mismanagement and lack of accountability to the voters and taxpayers of Charleston County.

CARTA's memorial service for Council's Integrity concluded with lavish refreshments and libations served by the Charleston Restaurant Association while the Charleston City Council Chamber Singers, led by Council Member Tinkles, sang, Smoke Gets In Your Eyes.

In lieu of flowers, memorials may be sent to Howard, The Bagman, Chapman's Retirement Fund, The Concord Street Fish Tank Endowment, The Rapid Gentrification of the Eastside Foundation or Clemson's School Of Architectural Design in the Historic Ansonborough Neighborhood.

Friends of Council's Integrity may call at the Charleston Watch Web Site or visit the Council's Integrity Guest book @ www.charlestonwatch.com.

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