The writings of Lee Walton will return in mid-January. Until then, CharlestonWatch has selected what we consider the “Best of Shrimp ‘n Grits” published in 2007. Only a Lowcountry native intimately familiar with the ageless intrigue and inner workings of Charleston City politics could author such a poem.

De Swimp Anthology –
De Swimp’s Net

De Charleston Swimp ‘e need de tools,
So ‘e make ‘e Council ta be de fools.
‘E pick ‘um each fo’ de pawns dey be,
‘N hopes mos folks don’t care ta see.

‘E arms dey flail ‘n all many directions,
As ‘e spit out adjectives ‘n inflections.
‘E tink ‘e cute upon de stage,
But folks be watchin’ tink ‘e da rage.

Fo each big vote ‘e need control,
‘N could care less if dey be told.
Contary members ‘e can’t abide,
‘N use ‘e machine ta toss um aside.

‘E pick ‘e council ta be beholden,
If dey ain’t such, ‘e cuss ‘n scold um.
‘E pitch da fit when no one lookin’,
But smile ‘n grin when ‘e pitcher tookin’.

But City Council, dey ain’t enough,
So ‘e poke ‘e nose in bigger stuff.
‘E place ‘e cronies ta help de most,
By stick um in da higher post.

De County Council ain’t immune,
Ta ‘e hand picked sops dat hum ‘e tune.
De Machine’s Colleen be de perfect ‘zample,
Fo ta help de Swimp on County Council.

Now de Swimp ‘e need de Greenspace Fellow,
So he call Dana Beach cause ‘e be jello.
When ‘e needin’ da crony to watch ‘e back,
Dana be dere as ‘e special hack.

Now Long Savannah be de next big deal,
Fo de Swimp ‘n Dana ta conceal.
But de Urban Line be in de way,
So de Swimp git Dana ta have ‘e say.

Dat Chairman Scott, ‘e ain’t no fool,
‘N mos of all no Swimp Mon tool.
Dis not be good fo de deal dey wheelin’,
So de Swimp Mon try some higher dealin’.

‘Cause Long Savannah, ‘e need de mos,
‘E hunt fo Scott a’ nodder post.
‘E try de Gov’nor ta help um out,
But both find out dey lack de clout.

‘E pointy fingers, dey probe ‘n wiggle,
In elected spots dat ‘e can giggle.
‘E ben doin’ dis fo many de years,
‘N mos folks know, but be stopped by fears.

‘Cause long years ago in lawyer college,
De Swimp ‘n friends sort special knowledge.
Dey form da band ta rule dis State,
‘N plan its future ta overtake.

But dere master plan ta rule de State,
Fall flat ‘cause Swimp, ‘e ain’t so great.
Dere was a’ nudder by de name o’ Nick,
Dat cut ‘n dice um ta de quick.

Dem upstate folk don’t mess a’ round,
‘N didn’t like de Swimp Mon’s sound.
Dis proof ta folks dat dey can beat um,
Jes’ need de right one ta unseat um.

Still de Swimp Mon got da ace in de hole,
‘N it be none ‘udder dan Chief Justice Toal.
She be ‘e law school long time buddy,
‘N mold de laws fo um like putty.

De Swimp ‘n Toal bof make de sound,
Ta stop Jim Island fo be de Town.
Fo twice befo’ dey pop Mayor Clark,
‘N try ta keep ‘er in de dark.

Both hope it be over ‘n de Town be dead,
But Mayor Mary Clark still wearin’ red.
De Swimp file law suit ‘n squeek de ‘larm,
But Mayor Clark know third time de charm.

Tis time dere be a’ nudder boss,
Ta ride in on da big white hoss.
Til dat day cum, tings be de same,
‘N Swimp Mon play ‘e same ol’ game.

Lee Walton