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Shrimp 'n Grits

De Swimp Mon Chronicles
De Crazy Crab

De Crazy Crab ben da Council “cum yeh” crony
Wit’ dat Yankee twang, she uh foul cuss’in’ phony.
Mos’ alltime she mout’ like da chamber pot,
But now all Chaa’stun kno’ she ben de Council sot.

Ben many da Council meet’n’ she jus’ grin ‘n gaze
Fo wan’ tuh clear dat fuzzy ankyhall daze.
She ‘tend dem meet’n’ look’n lukkuh gippsy,
‘Cus mos’ alltime da truth ben she jus’ plan’ tipsy.

Jus’ dis pas’ week, she ben stop by uh copper,
But fo’get tuh use dat wine bottle stopper.
Tuh dat po’lice mon, she jus’ sit ‘n stamm’a,
N’ fo’ dis little stunt, she spend uh night in da slamm’a.

She swerve ‘er car in’ta dat roadside ditch,
‘N claim it hab ben anudduh driver glitch.
She jus dat mawnin’ fell off da AA wag’on,
‘N drive she car wit’ dat open ankyhall flagon.

If she hadduh hab dat toot ‘n jus ben smart’a,
She wu’duh rode in ‘er fav’rit’ bus nam’ CARTA.
But now be duh tim’ she gwine do lot mo’ bus’in,
‘N frum she potty-mout’, maybe lot less cuss’in’.

Dis now also be da tim’ she fuh search ‘er soal,
But she ain’t be so lucky as dat Chief Justice Toal.
Now dat Swimp Mon, ‘e tuh git ‘er off dat hook,
But now ‘n fuh‘ebbuh, she goose ‘e tuh cook.

Swimp Mon pull ‘er deeper ‘n ‘e chicken-neck trap,
‘N wit’ dat Fruit Mon cover-up, beat ‘er DUI rap.
Now Crazy Crab gwine alltime be ‘e rubber stamp,
Fuh dis big fa’va from dat Swimp Mon camp.

Dis ben da way with lots udduh dem Council folk
Dat get’s in trub’ble ‘n be da Chaa’stun joke.
But Swimp Mon deal’in’ snatch’um frum dat trub’ble,
‘N fo’ dese special fa’va, dey owe dat Swimp Mon dub’ble.

Lee Walton

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